In my blog post Empower Your Child Through Play, Nature, and Movement, I mentioned the book Color Monster to help teach emotions. Your child will feel all of those emotions. Emotion controls children’s behavior until they learn how to name what they feel. So, if your child is overwhelmed, they cannot control the behavior they emit. I’m sure most parents have experienced this when grocery shopping with a cart full of groceries.
Calming your child amid a tantrum may not be the most effective since your child isn’t in a state to listen and process what you are expecting from them. I want you to think about the last time you felt overwhelmed. Did you feel capable of really listening to someone? When a child has a tantrum, they’re attempting to convey a need or want. Maybe they wanted a toy, and they’re trying to let you know their disappointment when you say no. Their tantrums aren’t an attempt to tick you off. It’s more that your child can’t yet communicate or manage that emotion.
The Science Behind Naming Emotions
Giving your child the vocabulary to express themselves increases their ability to manage emotions. We need to help teach children about their emotions so they can better understand what they’re feeling, why they feel that way, and how to respond to these emotions. According to Matthew Lieberman, by naming an emotion we decrease activity in the “feelings” part of the brain and increase activity in the “thinking” part, causing our brains to slow down. This slowing down calms the emotional reaction, so we can manage the emotion better. Teaching your child about different emotions goes a long way to helping them express their feelings healthily.
Now that you understand why naming emotions is so important, I want to help you and your child begin this journey to a calm grocery shopping experience! Let’s start with another great book, The Way I Feel by Janan Cain. (Note: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases at no cost to you.) The book describes each emotion with vivid illustrations that help your child visualize the emotion. Practicing with a mirror helps make the connection real as they see their changing expressions. This activity also lends itself to learning about empathy, which is a vital skill to be learned as well.
Scavenging for Mindfulness
After practicing different faces and naming their emotions, try going outside and taking a short nature walk. This can be in your neighborhood, park, or anywhere you can scavenge for natural items (leaves, acorns, flowers, etc). Be sure to take a bag big enough to collect more than you need. Today, we’re going to create nature’s emotions. We walked down our local trail and set out on a scavenger hunt for items we could use to create what our emotions look like. This may be a bit tricky for littles. I suggest brainstorming what could be used for the various parts of the face beforehand, especially the mouth since it expresses the most. Older kids might want to add details like eyebrows. As you’re foraging, notice the wind and what it does to the leaves and trees. Notice the smells and sounds around you. Taking note of these small details is a great way to be mindful and present in the moment, a tool that is always helpful when dysregulated.
Crafting the Magic
When you have all the pieces you need, lay out a leaf and use the things you collected to create a face with emotion. Guide your child through the various feelings, what they look like on a face, and how they make us feel. Create a leaf face with an emotion and tell your child what it’s feeling. Then, ask your child to create their emotional face with the nature items. Practice with a few other emotions.
Additional activity: Remind your child how the wind blew the leaves down and around. Let your child BE the wind to the leaf faces made. For this part, your child will inhale and exhale gently like they are blowing a dandelion. Repeat three times until the face (emotion) has been blown away. Explain to your child that we possess the power to tame our feelings with our breath, like the wind. You have to name the feeling, then breathe through it to tame it.
So, when you notice your child struggling, take a moment. Ask them how they’re feeling. Show them with your face what you see on theirs, give them the words to help them express what they’re feeling, and let them know you sympathize. Guide them to naming and breathing through the emotion so they can have power over it.